Weightless

Really?

2012-02-14T07:53:00.000-08:00

ok. Rage mode on. Actually, i can't really think now. I'm full. bloated.
and you know the feeling of ecstasy

Okay. I’m gonna be blunt. Straightforward.
and whatever not. Cus I’ll just write. Whatever that comes to mind.

Warning. You may not want to talk to me ever again. =)
Or I might bore you to death with my redundant relentless rants.

When I try to think of a girlfriend, no one comes to mind. It’s just a blank. I really don’t know what type of girl I want to spend the rest of my life with. At least hope to. Not that I can sustain a relationship anyway.

Its always get close. Understand the person. Then move on. Disappear. Sometimes I’m sincere. Sometimes I admit I act. Just hope no one gets hurt. & I’m not good with girls anyway. =) Well. I keep on moving.Cus I can’t find the girl. You know. The girl for keeps. Okay the nearest I can think of is my best enemy. whom I miss. Dearly. The longest I’ve ever been close to a girl. I mean sure can get comfortable with a girl and have night chats, hang out. But this was different. She kept me by damn long I swear. Longest time. 1 year+ achievement unlock. It was the feeling where I’d feel damn secure depending on her while she depended on me. Emotional support. You can put it that way. It was a enemy-ship pact. We would be argue-ing over the littlest of things. I could be honest with her. Just open. I guess we were friends.

Yes. She really wasn’t a good friend as I would have liked her to be. But the times we had. the times she was there for me. totally outweigh the days that she just hackcare.

Or maybe I was deluded.
You rarely know what’s really happening unless you ask it from a 3^rd person pov

Well, it’s different now. I can’t even contact her. She’s just being a bitch and deleting me from here life. Got boyfriend already so. Can feel that void ah. Her friend also support her. While her boyfriend is a…… Hmm. I shall chill. He thinks he’s better than me probably in all aspects. & I really think someone should wack him up to wake him up. chill.chill. Shall not comment futher. I challenge myself to make friends with him. I’lll probably won’t but consider it a challenge for me to undertake. If he does visit this blog.
well, he’ll see me open. Probably pathetic. a sad piece of shit.

I can handle the weirdest most queer people. (to an extent) People who are weird. Anti-social. Intolerably irritating to most. I can tahan. I can accept. We are all made equal. I don’t mind ‘stooping’ down to their level as most ‘cool’ people see it. I think these ‘cool’ people who always have the attitude where they are so popular are quite arrogant. “Like who cares”. Outer hard shell. Inside. Don’t know.

Well, you get your perks when you’re popular. & yes I do envy them. But I don’t need fame. I need just a few close ones to have sincere friendships with me. BUT THIS. Chill. This guy……. He thinks he’s better than me. like I’m a laughable person, who you can swipe off your back. That’s the feeling I get. He outrightly scolds me ugly in front of my best enemy.

….
talk about patience and tolerance.

Anyway, my friends at work who are my schoolmates think I’m weird. I think they can’t appreciate what I appreciate just as much as I do. And are sometimes too sensitive Or maybe I’m the insensitive one. Hmm. Probably.

Everyone thinks they’re right.

Back to my best enemy.
I feel unappreciated. Cheated. Useless. Worthless. no not priceless like how I used to feel when I’m with her. She may have deleted me. But. I will still be her friend. Sincerely. Friends like this don’t come easily.

Talking about friends.

SheauJing has a boyfriend. So heavy baggage of the past still hanging on to me. So nono. Wall placed there. Faris very long time haven’t talk to him. I’m sure I can trust him. Certain. He’s a great bro. But I have a feeling that he’ll feel awkward when I meet him. oh well. He has an awesome uncle though. And his grandma can cook GREAT FOOD.

You know that flicker of those eyes when you meet someone.
When you catch eye contact and then after that they look away for that split second.
where you can see the awkwardness in their eyes.
Next time you meet a person. Look into their eyes.
See how sincere they are to you.

Travel Light

2012-02-08T06:44:00.000-08:00

<p><a href="http://falseawakening.bandcamp.com/album/travel-light-walk-slow">Travel Light, Walk Slow by False Awakening</a></p>

Hey you,
travel light.
When people troll you, disregard you, think lowly of you, even sabo you,
brush it off. think nothing of it.
You'll die one day. someday. any day.
So why carry that sack where you pick up everything that you think has wronged you
and carry it on your back!
Like that you'd take so much trouble to even walk from place to place.
time to time.

Laugh it off, brighten it up, blur and see marshmallows!
Smile at it. Laugh at your own fragileness.
Everyone have their weak spots.
Chin up. You know your own worth.

Reality is that hardly anyone really cares about you.
Each of us are absorbed in pursuing our own lives.
and those who judge you are probably not worth your effort and they do not really know you to be even be worthy of judging you.
& those few who love you, care about you.
They don't judge you as they accept you anyway.
Even if they do, they'll still accept you, so why worry!

Travel light. Shake your troubles.worries.jealousy.hatred.grudges off!
Will end it off here.
Nights!

ok.wait.
Today was my first day of work.
IT WAS DAMN STRESSFUL.
not. =)

Pissed parents off..yea to me

2012-02-05T06:00:00.000-08:00

MMM. I came back home yesterday after 12am.
and this = hurting parents.
& you just can't help but feel insulted when your dad says
"Why you spend so much time with your friends, one whole day, it's worthless"
ok.
right.
right.

haiz.
Well, it does seem not worth it to make my parents angry.
or should i say angsty.
just because i stayed back later to play some mahjong with my friends.

BUT NEVER IS IT WORTHLESS.

and my dad well, I was pissed with him.
Because he likes to get everything right.
Super perfectionist.
& I sometimes say to my brothers "no need argue, papa always right -.-"
Then my dad will say " Ofcourse I'm right! Then what!"
proves my point.

So we msg ah.
Dad: You're old enough to choose for yourself. you have a choice.
Me: Yes the choice is mine but you're always right
Dad: Do what you need to do from now onwads. I will keep quiet.
Me:Not your fault also but you'll still be correct even if you're quiet.

word-for-word.
I think....I over-did it.
erm. yea.

OK. that was scary. my dad just opened the door and closed it before i looked at him. zzz.

On a brighter side.
I passed 2dollars to the banquet auntie ask her to get some drink. =)
I should have asked her to share it with her friends.
Next time!

I passed 2dollars to an old ama who was collecting metal cans too!
Her smile was great. =)

& a bangla guy who was sweeping near siglaps starbucks!
I should have not just said "here you uncle, go get some drink! =)"
I should have told him he was doing a great job and he should keep it up!
Ok. next time. must improve.
Later he think I give money due to pity.
It's the believe that everyone is made equal.
and we should share joy with the world.
Prophet muhammad s.a.w said that even a smile is charity.

Well, now I'm kinda money-less.
& I owe Edwin 10bucks. and Christopher 100.
erm. got ppl owe me uh but. heh.
& I kinda feel reluctant to get money from my dad.
so i guess gona get 10 from my mum repay edwin then when my pay comes in I give back to Christopher his money.
and 700 to my parents.
(STICK TO THIS PLAN ISMAIL)
ok.

Me & Jiayi! I like this pic. sorry. I don't know why. =)

Ouh and I cut my hair!

New friends

2012-02-02T00:48:00.000-08:00

I like making new friends.
It comes without any baggage of your past.
You can be sincere, silly & honest.
Cause you don't have much to lose.
The most is that the someone thinks you're a complete freak.
That's fine. Just walk away then.
You can define the boundaries of your friendship the way how you currently like it.
You can actually find like-minded people that you're comfortable being with.
The feeling of developing a friendship is like no other.
The boundaries are blur though & I shall try to keep in mind what my boundaries are.

& ofcourse old friends are there as well.
To me, they probably know you the best.
When I say best, I mean how you change roughly.
Some of them don't usually meet you often nowadays, so probably they'll see glimpses of how you changed.
They are those who you can trust. I believe.

Hasjmy. Jiayi. Ardy. Calvin.
Brothers whom I don't really heart to heart talk.
but I trust them.
& hopefully when they are in need of help, I'll be there.

SheauJing
Still like her attitude and personality a lot, though I can say probably I don't understand her well or know her truly.
I'd probably be great friends with her if not for my dislike of certain stuff.

Blablablabla. boring.

I've been brought up by my parents to think of myself as an unique individual
One who dreams big
( my dream astronaut at first, then dentist/doctor/surgeon who saves lives)

If you think I'm weird then you're absolutely correct.
I'm weird. I'm uniquely awesome, eccentrically splendid, lovably queer.
Love me or .....well up to you.

blablablablablabla. boring.

Ok. I go read my books. Bye!

In search of the self

2012-01-31T06:49:00.000-08:00

Alright.
Start of work has been pushed back to friday!
and I went wasting the day again. =)
Seems like everyone is busy, so why not just indulge in myself. =)
Walked to the nearby fighting equipment shop.
Didn't Find what I wanted. =(
The skies were dark when I headed there and it predictably rained on my way back!
I helped a Northlight girl cross the street with an umbrella!
Couldn't shelter her all the way to her bustop though, different bustop!
It was hilarious seeing her face. hahaha.
She like damn shock. She looked like those lonely blur type.
Hoped I made her day. =)

Bussed to the Library and renewed my books!
On my way to the Library sheltered another girl on my way to the library!
Started a chat with her and discovered she was starting to learn piano at yamaha!
She didn't start earlier cause her mum was somehow against it...
People who are already blessed with the expression of music?
Appriciate your talents! =)

Listening to my mum about bringing an umbrella everywhere I go has been very helpfull indeed!
To me & others.
In helping myself, I help others. yea!
I bring an umbrella, sunglasses, extrashirt, tissue papper, water bottle, writing materials & a notebook in my bag.
My friend say I auntie liao. hahahaha.

Went to I12 after that, got some herbal tea and started to read my books!
I read three books, as in read for awhile then change.
A Book about Islam
A Book about Self-discovery &
A Book about how to love.

Read the book about Islam first!
One learning point was to learnt not to measure the worth of another,
as Allah measures his/her worth and progress as a person and you have no idea how much the person has progressed physically, mentally, character-wise and spiritually.
To put it into a more wider terms,
One should not label how much worth another has.
One's looks, character, personality, social standing, school, family, etc does not have a correlation to one's worth.
For me, I should not label a person or think of his worth.
Whether he/she is worth of my time/effort/love/compassion/money.
For all I may know, the ugliest person has the best of heart.
For all I may know, the person who has the best attitude to me is really talking behind my back.
For all I may know, the person who has the most money is really indeed a loving person.
For all I may know, the person who treats me like shit is the wisest and most experienced.
For all I know, I should not judge and label the worth of a person as I do not know the whole person's story.
The unique stories of our own lives.

I learnt that well partly from my Best friend.
who is now on bad terms with me
as she has disappointed me, wasted my time and broken my heart&spirit at a point of time.
BUT. ultimately she has not done so.
and I accept what she has done and the reasons behind it.
I'm learning to forgive her for her splendid imperfections that she has.
and the way it has hurt me.
I still do remember all the precious times we had and I treasure it.

Read the second book after that.

Its about self-discovery.
& more about finding pleasure no matter what circumstance you are in.
Well learning points from this book...
Accomodate those who have problems with Love&trust.
We should laugh heartily at our humanity and splendid imperfections.
Pleasure might recede but it is always closer than we think.
Learn to have lots of standards!
A reminder that we are VARIABLE & FLAWED.

In the book, it also talks about the pleasures of recieving.
I already find myself learning how to give and help another no matter whether I know the person or not. the pleasure of giving.
I try to grab at the opportunity.
I believe by being good, helping another, well...I'll benefit too!
& I try not to think of getting anything in return when I help.
Indeed it is pleasurable to give.

However, I find the author's view quite similar to mine when it comes to the pleasure of receiving!
Deep down there's a Me who's not worth anyone's help.
I mean I do not feel worth it for you to help me if I've never helped you before!
and also when a person helps me I try to justify the help given.
I don't know whether you feel the same way though....

Anyway, one should receive it wholeheartedly!
Well, I do receive hospitality wholeheartedly though.
If you offer me food. I'D GLADLY ACCEPT IT. HAHAHA.
Some people say I no face but the person offer, accept la!

Read the third book after that

In this book, I learnt that as humans we would obviously try not to have people who will ultimately disappoint us, waste our time or break our hearts& spirits.
We would also want to have those who we can trust them with our love&compassion.

To this, I have to say that... no one would ultimately disappoint another unless it's till you're grave la.
We should have an open mind and not think that the person has ultimately disappointed you.
I find it better to have this view so that you won't pre-act and misunderstand the person.
After all, for the person to disappoint you, you must have placed trust in him/her.
and you should have reasons for trusting the person.
which means the person may have wasted your time and lost your trust
but...it doesn't mean he/she can earn it back with a clean state. =)

After drinking my herbal tea, I walked to awfully chocolate!
Got icecream for myself and bought some brownie for my brothers to share. =)
Got the waitress' name and chat with the two waitress
One of them was from Hwa Chong sia, waiting for A level results too!
She got me like 3 scoops of icecream when I orderred for 1 scoop.
<3
now I have soarthroat.

Pleasure is never sweeter when it makes you sick.
ok. that's just crap. or maybe. hahaaha.

Walked home through the lane me and zhen used to hang out back home
New memories replace the old. =)

Videos To Watch.

2012-01-26T06:10:00.000-08:00

Got my music equipment.
YEA.
Went with Christopher go check out.
He bought a special amp. those situated on the top in the hall.
I forgot the name for those type of amps.
for his beatboxing.
Omg. he sounded sswwweeet on that.
Plan to cover a song with him. YES.

Just realised that he can do dubstep. WAOH. Through his mouth. and it sounds real. SHIT.

Keith was in malaysia so couldn't come along with us.

Anyway, he lepak at my house after that.
jam awhile.
watched other vids for awhile
learn guitar.
play metalslug4 on the ps2.
blabla.

Videos to watch.
Awesome vids man.

ouh one more thing

2012-01-23T18:44:00.000-08:00

I just felt like blogging.
Throw all my thought on the screen.
Have been very restless lately.
can't go to sleep at night.

No random messages to me.
No random calls either.
It just sucks without surprises.
I'm getting emo.
I'm damn emotionally dependent. grr.

need to unload them on my blog, piano. blah.

I want a ukelele. nice one.
with some design at the front with makes it look antique.
100+ maybe I'll buy using work money. idk.

and my ice-cream finished again. damn.
Gonna buy more.

Time still passes

2012-01-23T18:39:00.000-08:00

Sorry for that total change of topic in the previous post.
Had to get that out from my head/fingers

Hmm, I'm also going to sign up for French classes in the end of February.

And I've trained my jazz piano skills till my mum praised me!
Its kinda have the lounge/hotel room feel and not so aggressive as other styles.
Though I'd really like it to be like the one in the video I previously posted!
I just can't get the feel of aggressiveness yet.
It's really wonderful playing Jazz.
Its like discovering yourself!
I just use jazz chords on the left hand, change them alittle, impro alitle
and complete improvisation without rules on the right hand.
to find what sounds nice to me and what goes with the flow.
this is just basics though.
I'm not learning much techniques yet.
soon. I will upgrade.

and I found a job.
Gonna work soon in Feb.
I'm gonna give 700 to my parents.
they have spent more than on me during the chinese new year and I feel even more obligated to them!
I don't like it.
I don't like feeling like I'm dependent on them anymore.
and my dad splurges on me when I go shopping with him.
omg. so scary.

Borrowed books to pass the time away and learn.

I signed back on for my electone class too!
& I realised I'm 2 grades away from the teacher's grade! damn it!
My friend in poly going to complete the last grade this march/june.
and I'm like 1 grade gap cause of my A levels. grr.

Time pases as my plans go to waste

2012-01-23T18:28:00.000-08:00

Well.
Ok. I just signed up for Arabic classes.
cus' learning by oneself is kinda...idk. No motivation anymore ahh.
LAZY.

Now I'm just reading about religion, going to religion class 3 times a day...
I'm trying to question stuff about Islam.

In Singapore, we follow the Quran, the holly book, and the Hadiths, so-called sayings of the prophet.

The Quran, I believe, is NOT man-made.
It has been proven that there is nothing which contradicts the laws of science today.
It speaks of the Big-bang theory and the difference between fresh and salt water before scientist found out about both of them.
which, I feel and think, shows that the Book is true.
It speaks of facts which had happened long time ago.
and there is only ONE book of the Quran. no new, no old. just ONE.
speaken from the mouth of Muhammad s.a.w. and faithfully recorded done immediately.
there is only one record. and the words are enscripted in the Quran.
The Quran is indeed a book of Science, Reasoning, Faith, Righteousness and Freedom.

Yes. Freedom.
I will elaborate on this maybe next time.
It advocates doing right and not doing wrong.
Peace. Love. Hope. the strive for knowledge.

Most of the muslims around the world follow the Quran and the Hadiths.
Many others follow Hadiths too excessively.
and these Hadiths, the so-called sayings of the prophet are recorded by the prophets family and friends.
It is recorded by imperfect human beings who can intepret his words wrongly and also record them wrongly.
and when it is passed down. It can also be wrongly done so.
Ok, there are many Hadiths which are not approved.

I'll give a case example, the Shia Law.
It follows Hadiths and has so many contradictions to the Quran.
and may Shia muslims are following it.

I'll give a second case.
The muslims in Singapore and I mean those strict ones.
They too follow the Quran and Hadiths(which are approved by the Islamic Group)
These Hadiths are more reliable as they say.
but can it be just the crowd blindly following?
I'll give credit though that these practices from the Hadiths are pratical in nature and are still acceptable to me.

However, I shall take precaution and learn from the Quran and question anything which comes from Hadiths.
I still can't argue strongly for my stand as it would be foolish to argue through ignorance.
Therefore, I shall gather more knowledge.

The Bible says that christians should not eat swine.
Did you know that?
and there are many Scientific contradictions in the Bible..
and the new testament was written after Jesus died.. erm... by man.
ok. enough about that. sensitive issue

OUH by the way.
I questioned why swine(pigs) were not halal(haram)
For your info, animals not properly killed are also haram.
There can be a un-halal (haram) chicken, which is not allowed to be eaten.
For an animal to be considered halal (Acceptable to eat), it must be slit from the throat, its veins.
This method is the easiest and fastest way for an animal to die, with the least pain.
With this method will then animals be halal, excluding sea animals such as fish.
Pigs do not have necks.
They can't be killed mercifully and swiftly with not so much pain.
They are butchered.
Hence, they are not halal as we cannot kill them on a large scale feasibly without pain.
It would be unfeasible to drug them before they die, I mean now at least.
That's just a reason for swine flesh to be haram.

There are other reasons for other animals to be haram.
however some seem to be from the Hadiths...
I woud be going through the Quran to see if they match.
For now, from the Quran what I know is that....
Swine flesh, blood is haram.
While fish is halal.
I'm questioning about fish though...
They have no necks.
why are they halal?
My friend told me for historical reasons, people needed to survive with fish as their main source of food at times.
What about now, when we are able to survive without fish?
The Quran says it is acceptable for seagoers, travelling men and you.
I guess "you" means mankind...
I shall further clarify the matter soon.

ICE CREAM

2012-01-17T07:30:00.000-08:00

Ok.
I was emoing.
Cause my friend sick. then bo go out.
Then I nothing to do.
Then my curfew what the shit 6pm.
so...

Went to the library to borrow more books that may help me discover myself.
& I bumped into JoInng who was suppose to borrow books from her project!
She skip school. tssk. tssk.
well, understandable. the school so far. wth.

Anyway, her book wasn't there.
So busride all the way to bugis there. Go central Library!
More opportunity to borrow books for me!
Borrowed quite many ahh.
Went indulge in IceCream at Bugis. The stall near the BugisMac. opposite the jap icecream one ah.
THE FLAVOURS LIKE I ALL WANT SIA.
but.
Ben&Jerry still nicer.

I really like to spend time just slacking with friends who mean alot to me.
HOWEVER RETARDED. BITCH.BLUR.BITCH.BITCH.
they may seem. still love them. <3

They're are people who mean alot to me too.
Just that. I don't think it'll be appropriate for one-one sessions.
You understand.
wall back up. back up.

OUH.
Anyway, borrowed this book!

It's a book about life's lessons!
But then written like a K1 story book!
Lovely.

Jazz Piano

2012-01-14T05:13:00.000-08:00

Learning it baby.

Took off url

2012-01-12T00:48:00.001-08:00

From twitter and Facebook.

If I'm gonna just express my feelings and thoughts here honestly, I wouldn't want everyone except those whom I allow to read my blog right?

Love Language

2012-01-12T00:46:00.000-08:00

People show their love in many different ways!1) Time spent with each other (attention)
2) Body Language (touch)
3) Words
4) Gifts (money)

These are some of the ways
and their level of importance to me.

1) Time spent with each other
When I say this I mean one-one sessions!
I just feel group gatherings are quite superficial if the whole group is not really bonded on the same level.
There's ought to be someone who's closer to another in a group!
and some placed in greater importance than others
and attention would be unevenly spread

Or maybe I'm just an attention bitch, who wants all the attention to himself.
yea.
I like one-one sessions.
& would place away my phone during these.

Ouh. I realised if a girl is talking to more than 3 guys,
I'd back off. I won't want to converse.
I'd rather no attention than to share attention.

Maybe that's why I'd rather calls.
cus you can only talk to one person on the phone
unlike messaging where you can message many people at once.
all the attention.
plus its more personal. direct. converse faster. more sincere.
yeap.

If I ever called you out. YOU MEAN A WHOLE LOT TO ME.

There's this girl "A" she means alot to me, as a friend, I've told her before.
But I don't see how I mean anything to her.
I really mind it.
but as they say the only way you change your life, is to change oneself.
So I try to see past it.
I can leave it the way it is, with her just living her life with me not meaning much to her.
but.
I would be a good friend.
I take her as a friend, and I'll be there when she needs anything. if ever.

Most of the time, I call people.
I don't receive many calls or messages spontaneously to be honest.
I'm absolutely fine with it. It just is.
They still pick up my calls.
I just need alot of emotional support
and with every call I'm actually comforted.

Oh btw. "whatever" is a really hurtfull word.
DON'T YOU EVER USE IT ON ME.
I'LL SCRAMBLE YOU UP IN MY HEAD.
It just means that there was completely no importance to what I have said earlier.
or to be taken more literally, I can take it that I have no importance at all to you.

I'm quite moved by some words.
ok. very moved.

Sidetracking alot here.

All-guys sessions are good.

2) Body Language
It takes alot for one to be comfortable with another with body contact.
& trust me, a hug from a person you trust and love can go a long way in comforting.
It can be anyone, your typical close-friend, your parents, cousins.
well, yea.

Side-tracking again.
The most easiest way to see whether a person is comfortable hanging out with you is whether they feel awkward when you're about to leave.
The situation can get pretty awkward sometimes.
Idk why but yea.

3) Words
Well, action speaks louder than words.
and attention can never replace mere words.

4) Gifts
These are placed last on my list.
I'd rather you spend money with me on an outing than just buying a gift which I'd probably just store in my cupboard. =)
I'm very picky with stuff that I buy.

Exactly my thought a few days back!

2012-01-12T00:13:00.000-08:00

Leave the past alone.
It stays where it is.
Here is now. Live it.

O's

2012-01-09T17:50:00.000-08:00

Went back to BGSS to support Aishah!
Same name as my mum yea.

&I FORGOT TO BRING MY IC BACK SHIT.

The visitor's pass with me now!

blah.

Anyway, she didn't have the grades that she wanted.

broke down&cried...

Just sat beside her while her teacher comforted her...

She really wants to go to a JC but I told her alr, if she's getting these type of results...

It'll be very hard for her to cope in the JC...

and what's more to survive and go on to a university in Singapore...

BGSS is the same as before...

sitting at the hall at the back with that tense environment during the reult giving...

MAKES ME VERY SCARED FOR A's.

I THINK I WILL JUST STONE IF MY RESULTS NOT GOOD ENOUGH AH.

GO ONE CORNER EAT MY ICE CREAM.

ouh btw.

ICE CREAM. HEH HEH.

aunt bought more. She's a cook. japanese food cook.

and an ice-cream lover.

I'm so blessed. ahahahahaa.

THIS ICE-CREAM IS SO AMAZING I WANNA DIE.

I lazy go downstairs check the brand. mmm.

I'm turning into a lazy pig now.

too lazy to get off bed. too lazy to move my legs.

just signed up to some volunteer program, sent some emails.

Don't think anyone will reply back though.

I go to the moral home for the disabled near my house individually also the auntie say,"sorry, we got enough volunteers" then I "orh"

Then go home. zzz.

I want to start making music!

Though my skills not up to standard.

Meeting band members later.

See how. Drummer still overseas.

I got the cash flow for a mic.

A microphone. like 300+

wa liao.

or should I buy a whole set. Will discuss later with theem I guess.

Just a random pic.

My "high-class" breakfast before I start whole-day mugging session

Nasha Isamermaid

2012-01-09T07:11:00.000-08:00

Not really close to her
but her personality I like. =)

Met her when I was studying. I think.
maybe not.
I was with Andy&Brandon, two guys that are always together, when I met her the first time!
A lovely friendship those two, A&B.

Well, as I said I ain't that close to her but hey first impression counts!
and it lasted.

She appeared very honest, sincere and friendly. =)
I remembered she saying I'm weird and I like it or something along those lines.
It was awkward yet I liked it how she made it feel.
Embrace awkward moments. hahahhaa
weird.silly.awkward.
YET AWESOME at the same time.
Wasn't afraid of being judged. Hardly cared.
innocent.dirty.Idk.
Too nice to care! =)

BABY I LIKE IT!

But she got bf. how? =(
hahahah. Well, hope my gf next time will make my world beAUtiful.
blah blah. My cous just ask me faster get one cause she bored -.-

to end this post off.

Solitude = Peace+Self-Indulgence+Blissfullness

2012-01-09T05:40:00.001-08:00

Chin up, stay strong.

2012-01-09T04:34:00.000-08:00

btw pic from yongjie's tumblr

and to futher illustrate my point

50/50

2012-01-03T07:15:00.000-08:00

It's a lie. It's not a comedy movie!!!It's so sad. omg.
Go watch it with your special friend.

Ok. I'd really like a movie date on a couch. now.

Movies at the theature sucks.
It's like you cant comment about anything at all,
stop the movie and just chat with the person/people you're going out with
while the main reason in watching the movie is spending quality time?

or just lepaking at bedok reservoir looking at the stars like what Jiayi is doing with Hasjmy right now.
hahahaha.

The waitress at 112?
I think I'm not gonna ask her number or get to know her better.
My ego is really hurt now with my best (enemy) friend not really there for me like last time due to her wanting her bf to be secure.
but seriously.
I want the bf to SUCK IT UP.
Just allow her la wtf. Trust her.
Okay. He can't trust me. I don't like him anyway.
He's so delusional and so are his friends.
Nuf bout him.

More about me.

Berlyn thought I was playing with her.
Well, I was interested and well I thought maybe after A's.
but. oh-well.
She ego-boosted me and said I was too good for her.
standard procedure.
and my friends said she didn't look good and I could go for better-looking girls.
standard procedure.
We don't click. at all. hahahaha.
Though I'd really like to see if I could if I tried harder and not be a puss-in-boots taking my time, thinking that after A's she would be available
She's with her boyfriend now, doing well.
Sincerely happy for her. =)

Here's a picture.

My cheeks are way too chubby here.

That's about berlyn. lol.

Me.

I'm just thankful that I met an awesome friend.

Naj.

Pretty cheeky.

Still looks out for my brother.

yes. She contacts my brother and looks out for him.

Really sweet of her.

Appreciate it.

Birthday

2012-01-02T07:35:00.000-08:00

Firstly, I don't really like to celebrate my birthday with people in groups....
It's cause I don't think I'm worth their effort really.
I mean if you're out in a group, there's bound to be one person you're not really close with.
and it'll be kind of. yea.
Or maybe it's just me.
I'm a sucky friend. I guess.

But I'm improving! one friend by one friend.

and yea, don't have cliques which are veryveryvery close.
(Don't kill me clique13, it's just that I'm not close to everyone in there)
Just pockets of friends!

Thanks to those who gave presents & wishes.
Really Appreciate them.
It's the little things which count.

Spent my birthday with family.

Celebrate a day of birth

2012-01-02T07:16:00.000-08:00

Balloons for Bday!

Made for my mum, First time making a necklace!

Was quite lost!

Heart Shaped, dark blue/ light blue

Comfortable

2011-12-31T07:47:00.000-08:00

Met the two retards near my house, Ericia&JoInng!actually outside JoInng's house to be exact!
Learned more Jazz piano techniques with JoInng's Keyboard and her laptop beside it with youtube tutorial vids while the two just slacked about.
Went for Lunch after that and then a walk through the near-by supermarket.
Bought Pop-corn and snacks!
Watched a supernatural thriller movie after that on JoInng's bed
She didn't have curtains to close the windows so it wasn't really dark, =(
JoInng's brother YonGin joined us after that.
Taught JoInng some piano jazz basics then went home. =)
Can't wait to meet them again!

Shuffled memories.

A Journey To The City

2011-12-31T07:40:00.000-08:00

I was as lost as fuck!was like some lost puppy wandering the streets!
Planned to visit people working in the City area..
So....there I went.
Got lost very easily. ITS LIKE A MAZE THERE.

Met Aifaa first at Pual Franks. Easy to find. heh heh.
Met Everest at GUCI after that and passed her a birthdaygift/souvenir
So many shades that I anted to buy there...shit!
Met Benetta at Sephora after that.
She introduced me to these awesome shampoos which smely HEAVENLY.
Go get them! 2 for $20! Its on sale.
It was quite awkward going into the makeup shop on my own at first and with all the gays around!
Mrt back home with Benetta and friend.

Was lost inbetween finding the places.
I seriously need to explore it more.
Saw alot of different styles of clothing though!

I LOVE PASTEL COLOURS by the way and have been window-shopping ALOT.
by myself though, Just wandering. walking slowly.
You can call it lonely, at times I do feel lonely.
but most of the times, I feel relaxed and blissful by myself.
Self-centred and Independent.

Shuffled memories.

Little cheeky devil

2011-12-31T07:29:00.000-08:00

Went all the way near the end of the green line to pioneer met Naj!OMG. SHE LIVE FREAKING DAMN FAR.
Went swimming with her at 10am+
Stupid sun got blocked by the clouds!
By the time we were tired, was when the sun came out...
didn't get to suntan. Damn.
Sat at the corner and talked till 3pm. =)
Looking forward to next meeting!

Shuffled memories.

This candle-lit flame. warmth. I want it to stay.

2011-12-25T05:04:00.000-08:00

Went to watch Sherlock Holmes&Mission Impossible with Phyllis at 112 on Thursday!
First time I really watch two movies in row!
Not that bad really. =)
The 2nd Sherlock holmes movie felt like the first Sherlock Holmes movie!
The same setting and style! I like!
Smart and graceful.
Love how Sherlock analyses his opponents when fighting! Simply exhilarating!
Mission Impossible didn't really strike much impression on me though...

----------------------
Friday prayers was the mosque at Jalan Ismail!
There is a screen with english translations of what the cleric says so I actually understand what the speeches are about!
& I found out from a book that I'm consistently been reading that....
Islam has indeed deviated much. sadly.
Much of the laws are actually cultures and are not even substantiated from the Holy Book Quran.
You know about the Sharia Law? The one existing in MiddleEast?
The one that rape victims have to get punished as well?
Well, in no where in the Quran substantiates this.
The Quran does imply that Adultary is a bad sin and also implied that punishment should be left to Allah Himself, in his wisdom.
The Sharia Law is actually 0.1% Quranic and 99.9% Manmade.
and the Viel which covers the women's face is actually a Persion cult.
Yes. The Quran said that women should use draw their cloaks close round them so that they are not annoyed.
putting it into context where last time women wore very scantilly at home with almost nothing, the viel has its usage.
But now in modern times women wear much more and the viel does not come into play at all!
and from the book it says...

so that they are not annoyed(by men)
The essense of law > Law itself.
The purpose of the Law > the Law itself
The purpose of the viel is actually to prevent annoyance from men!
& in the Quran, it also states that Men should keep their gazes low.
So it actually makes more sense for men to behave such that the women do not have to suffer the indignity of the viel!
----------------------------

Anyway, met YonGin, JoInng&Ericia at 112 ate mudpie. MMM.
7 inches!
not in length. BUT IN HEIGHT!
Went lepak at JoInng's House after that.
Watched movie halfway.

Met Ardy at his house after that!
He just booked out from police pre-training...
Quite sad 2 weeks after A's then go NS already. =O
Told alot of interesting stories!
Met others at Tamp, lepak, makan,lepak then went home.

Random PICS. enjoy

2011-12-22T06:19:00.000-08:00

Dragon rock head!

My Dad&Mum acting out titanic

Climb to the lighthouse!

Trick Art museum!

That's a real cactus btw.

Ripley's Believe It or Not! museum.

This small little rascal is unbelievably flirtatious!
Even his mum calls him that!

He was going around getting kisses from all the girls+women in the tour group throughout the trip!

Asking for hugs and kisses! Then he would appear uninterested infront of guys.

Addorable really. =)

Shopping in Korea! It's quite expensive in Korea!

One must note its extremely fashionable clothes available in shops though!

Went to Korea's largest indoor&outdoor amusement park!

Playing chopsticks in Korea!

Mosques are incredibly hard to come by in korea!

A TOUCH-SCREEN VENDING MACHINE!

EATING LIKE KOREANS. They always mash their food up!

This guy is Vincent!
He was our tour guide for the trip.

Unbelievably he's 40+!

and our bus driver was in his 70's! They look damn young!

Vincent was saying that in Korea guys still have to maintain their looks in order to get girls'

and that in Korea is more straight forward regarding the case of income.

Singapore: NO money, no talk.

Korea: NO money, no power.

This weird hill is downward slopping... but cars can go up the hill with their engines off, and water actually flows up instead on down the hill!

Birthday Coming. Just want my loved ones to be with me.

Ninja!

I look like a Tekken fighter. =D

TEKKEN IN KOREA.
My brother got trashed. I have never seen him getting trashed so badly before.

The guy sitting at the other side was seriously pro.

Same hairstyle as the animal of my year!

Marathon come la.

2011-12-20T04:37:00.000-08:00

Ran 10km at gym while Jiayi&Hasjmy did their weights!
My body is....dead I guess.

Today went to Bryan's house!
and WOW. Can't believe how much effort he has to make to make his songs.
His effort is certainly worth the praise!
When will I start on my journey, I wonder.

From yong jie tumblr

2011-12-17T05:12:00.001-08:00

Hang

2011-12-15T19:15:00.000-08:00

[EDITED]
Heys, currently not in the mood to post about my whole korea trip.I just have that feeling, that nothing really matters.or more specifically. what matters now is how I develop myself.

Friends (Some people). I still don't quite get it.

Anyway, have been reading about Islam.
Why Osama was so furious at the Americans.
I see now his fury was justified but not his means.
The Americans terrorised the Middle-East.
with intelligence, deception and skill.
and Osama wanted to fight back in the same way.
terrorise the americans like how their forces have made a mess out of Middle-East.
it went against the religion of Peace. Islam.
but he skewed it to meet his own objective.
The Middle-East people had only their lives to sacrifice, the most valuable thing one man can have, in order to fight for a cause.
They didnt have advanced weapons and the deception that the CIA had.
They fought for a cause. To fight the enemy, Americans, who have decieved and played with the Middle-East with their self-interest. Manipulated them.
A cause they saw justifiable.
but with the wrong means.
Well, I learnt basically about the Global perspective and Contemporary History of Islam.
The media really skewed it alot too.

Now on to the chapter of what went wrong with the islamic civilization which was once the leader of growth.
I have also just started to try to learn French and understand Arabic.
I already know how to read Arabic but with no understanding at all from young.
I don't know how far my attempt will take me.
but I decide to find out.
Gonna get help from HuiXuan, She learnt french before.
French is such a sexy bitch.

I've been spending my mornings from 7am onwards to afternoon learning my music.
Piano trying to learn solos. Guitar just recently Latin styles.
I plan to learn jazz styles + others on piano at JoInng's or Jiayi's house since they can have a keyboard beside their computer so I can learn from youtube.
I think I have to improve my playing.
I feel that my piano playing is still shallow. and not deep enough.
and guitar playing sucks.
Till I get better will I then buy recording equipment to record what I have in mind.

Have been spending my afternoons at I12 Katong.
There's a pretty waitress sec4 that I made friends with. =)
Anyway, went gyming with Jiayi yesterday!
Long time since I actually worked out.
Didn't even touch my weights at home during the A level period!
It was quite refreshing working out with him. =)

PLUS. I just found a new instrument.
hypnotic. beautiful. calming. mystical.
the HANG.
It's actually like a wok?
check this website out.
http://www.davideswarup.com/
or check out a sample of how it is played!

Till next time.
There is no way to Happiness, Happiness is the way.

For the love of god, live righteously.

Art. Beautiful

2011-12-13T04:43:00.000-08:00

Off to korea!

2011-12-04T06:09:00.000-08:00

With my family, hope we'll have a good time!
Will miss my friends.
Will miss my music instruments.

Can't wait for covering!
I really want to make standard covers!
Not sure whether I have the ability though.
Only thing i need to do is try.

A week off!
bye!

Amazing. Inspiring.

2011-12-03T06:56:00.000-08:00

Inspiringg, I hope I can be like her...
I wonder how.
Check her other vids!

Self-improvement is key

2011-12-03T03:10:00.000-08:00

Expect the disappointments that come.Burnt tears, cherished hearts.
A single key, broken locks.
Wouldn't you swear off some.

......
Distaste in my mouth, closed eyes not ignoring.
How I wish I have the capability to change it all.
No idea where to start. How to start.
I wonder what my first step will be.

- - - - - - - -

2011-12-03T01:56:00.000-08:00

Is bad for health!My body damn weak I swear.
Was like lying on the floor at the bustop like some drunktard.
Glad my friend Hasjmy was there to help me. =)

Love the feeling but the side effects are roooaarrr.

2011-12-02T02:09:00.000-08:00

Wanted to watch PUSS IN BOOTS with Novia,
but then cancelled it cause I guess it'll be better staying around at my grandma's place as it was her birthday week!
But then all my cous went out instead then....it was a wasted cancelling of plans. =(
I guess shalll catch up with her after I come back overseas.
miss her loads! =)
Ouh well, dinner with Group13 then a movie later!

Chinese....huh.

2011-12-02T01:39:00.000-08:00

Sounds familiar. HMM.

aaahhh ooohh eeehhh uuuhh yyooo

2011-11-29T15:56:00.000-08:00

Hey hey hey hey hey hey!
This isn't night I thought it'd be!
wow wow wow wow wow wow
& she ain't shy apparantlllyyyyyy

I feel so heh heh heh heh,.
heh heh heh,
Hi.

hahahahahah
I'm creeping myself out.
weeee

I just feel relieved.
who cares.
I feel like I just took a drug and it's making me smile the whole dayyyyy.

I mean I'm like stoning.
hahahaha.
and not feeling a shit!
hahahaha.
I'm not doing anything.
hahahahah.
omg.
hahahahaha

I nv do nothing.
I'm always thinking like, what colour is Vanadium2+
ok. stop that.

I'm wasting time. & FEELING GOOD ABOUT IT. YEA.
If you see me now you'll creep out.
hahahaha.

elated. relieved.
just relieved.

Neither happy, nor sad.
Just relieved that I survived this bullshit.
was unsatisfied at first for my papers but.
WHO CARES.
it over~
iiittss ovveerrrr

I like typing that.

ITS OOVVVEEERRRRR.

Ok. I need a doctor. HMM.

whatever, I'm trying to find a spanish course for me and my friend to take during the holidays.
I just feel weird not learning anything. hahahhaha.
and an Arabic course too with another friend.
apparently diploma plus courses are only for poly students.
damn. dashed my hopes.
so i guess I'll need to find something inexpensive and a course which is just starting hopefully with alot of girls.
HMM.
The girls are a plus.
but main focus learning. IM SERIOUS.
ok. But i think i'll fail.
I mean, i've no idea where to start.
Call me.
hahah

Ok. and lots and lots of coverssss.
wweeeeeee.
my fingers are jumping about.
I wanna buy a mike and start.
after I come back from my holiday I guess.
Like going off in about a week?

Sorry my presentation isn't that good.
I don't care.

blablabla.

I got that tingly feel again.
heh heh heh.

JUMP JUMP JUMP.

I like jumping and wiggling.
never knew it'd be so much fun.
hahahaha

still smiling.

I'm enlisted in MAY.
MAY. suck on it.
hahahaha
shake shake shake.

in police. so you better not go to red light districts,
I'll be patrolling it. *winks
nah, I think I'll be some person behind the counter managing the force.

I was thinking of learning dance from my brother.
but now I'm just to lazy to move my butt seriously.

LIFE IS GONNA GET BETTER.
wait. IT IS.

A levels.

2011-11-29T15:40:00.000-08:00

....
Maybe, sometimes, the most precious things in life.
Is not what you think it is.

For me, this shitload of study has been quite a journey.
Quite an experience.
Being in a JC which has a so called slack culture which is just bred years after years.
Seeing my friend, Andy, a Vice-president who really wants change and has done much for the school.

A start, being very optimistic and curious, almost excited to be in a JC.
Never knew how people looked at neighbourhood schools.
Wasn't aware that Singapore does not discriminate against races (to an extent) but discriminates by studies.
Wasn't even aware of any of the social ethics.
It looked quite simple.
Life was quite simple. I mean.
Secondary school. It was sleep, friends, play, girls, sleep.
Well, that's the basics laid down. I was immature, ignorant and plain disillusioned.

It's not that life's not that simple anymore, it still is.
It's just that I'm aware of so many new things,
after attending SchoolOfThought for my Gp tuition.
That's real learning. Learning where you get allured, where you interested,
where you are actually curious and do your own research on what has been gone though in lectures.
where it actually stimulates your brain with you wanting more.
wanting to learn more.

Well anyway, a class 10S14.
With really a diverse class which can make any teacher scream and actually cry at some point.
We were a notorious class.
It was not a surprise that we had to break after the year with many of my friends being retained or going into other pathways in life.
A really talented one, with many musicians, delightfully.
Nadim, Barry, Haziq. All had this same interest in music.
Barry has a well-knowned band in Singapore, one of the top few actually.
really inspiring.
Well, there was a lot of back-stabbing in the class. not that I was aware of it.
I'm always ignorant. too slow. not really socially apt I guess.
even if I like just wandering around making new friends.
I don't really hang on for long.
Anyway, it was actually a torture to be in the class, with many scoldings of the teachers,
being not able to actually concentrate. It really took a toll on my studies.
But it was indeed memorable.
All hardships are memorable. Well, most of the class got together in the end I guess.
Settled our difference aside. I guess I'll put it that way.

PW.
I would really want to thank Yong Jie, Wilson, Shila,
and most importantly our Pw leader Ulfah.
We probably made Ulfah quite stresssed up with us not doing what we should.
Not really getting together to aim for our A's.
Well, we got a B, and I guessed we deserved better.
we should. If only.

Guitar.
It was undeniably boring.
hahahaha. Well, at least it helped me strengthen my fingers for my guitar skills.
not that it improved much but it did help.
Luckily there were peeps who made it less of a bore.
Keith Shepherdson always playing beside me,doing his unique antics.
Ardy the one conducting, trying to conduct. hahahaa.
Well, he did well.
Atiqah. Jonathan. Charissa. Yinru. Chrystal. Jasmine. Issac. Zainal. Vernon. Zack.
and the seniors.
Jovi. Jay. Juz.
and others.

Music.
Barry, Nadim, Kristie, Keithshepherdson, Christopher, SitiNurbaya, Ian, Zainal.
Thanks for being there. It was comforting and a relief.
Bringing my life full of enjoyment. music.
I hope after the A's are over and done, I will hopefully be making time out for you people. =)

10S09
Quite an accomodating class, with new people to meet
Daniel. WenJie. Sheeqeee, Chlooee.
and others.
KeithChua did hang out with me, appreciate it much. =)
He made studying less of a chore no doubt. Studied at his house a few times. =)

My Best Enemy.
Taught me a lot.
Although I knew her for a short period of time,
I felt like I clicked with her like snap.
It's like I know what she's thinking or what she's gonna think by her actions and her oh-so-retarded face.
really surprising though, never would I have thought that I'd be even her friend.
Beating each other up, strangling, pushing around, shouting.
the torture. =)
Really motivated me to study by making life so much better.
Kept me through hard times, lonely times, high times, retarded times.
Being there for each other in times of need.
Always and only, my best enemy. =)

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

The short road to A's
It was torturing.
I swear.
Even though I've made it to one of the top20 in my school.
I wasn't really confident.
As the A's got closer, I got more and more scared.
Not taking care of my health.
Less of an appetite. None of exercising.
It was like I'd study instead of bathe regularly my regular 3 times a day.
I guess it really pulled me down. the stress.
With a few days left and my best enemy busy with her own stuff,
it was really a pain to go through.

I could cry while I studied. I started shouting at my brothers and parents.
yes my parents.
After every paper, I would go home, scream and shout, beat up anything.
frustrated at stupid mistakes that I had done.
roll on the floor, crying. yea.
stressed much.
It was even comforting to hear my neighbours kids playing outside with them laughing when I studied and opened my window to hear them, tears in my eyes.
It was a tough journey. With a feeling that I was only alone in this shit.
I couldn't forgive myself for the mistakes that I did.
A single mark seemed the whole world.
It was as if all the marks counted and if I lost them I might not get my A.
and to those which I could do, I'd have the idea that everyone could do it, so it didn't matter much.
Crying while I revised my work.

As the papers passed, I learnt much from this experience.
I really started to appreciate dinner time and actually raced down to the dinning table to have dinner with my family, I appreciated anyone who came up to me and helped me along the journey.
I learnt that studies was just a stupid part of life.
that friends. family. love. personal interests. were much more valuable.
and I was lacking of it.

Learning all this shit did not make me any smarter than before.
It just made me more disciplined, more mature, less ignorant, more passionate in learning.
and made me realise that we really need a balance of work and life.
or in fact. We must find our work-life harmony where studies and life can co-exist together well.
I felt like I should not let my children suffer the same way as me.

Learning should be exciting.
Learning should be exhilarating.
It should spur the mind more, to grasp on to new concepts, to new ideas, to new perspectives about everything around us.
But then. We still have to survive in this world and Singapore doesn't really adopt the US learning system where there have the idea of "Follow your dream" and not "Study something useful and give back to the society"

Well, I've decided.
I would be trying to go to something that is based around the environment or the aged.
I want to contribute back to society meaningfully while actually earning a decent pay.

sick.

2011-10-27T07:49:00.000-07:00

My body's getting weaker.
I can't even handle alittle rain. urgh.
I don't remember the last time i got sick.
I love getting drenched in the rain.
and now I'm feeling very very very very uncomfortable with my head having this hummm.
like gonna burst. urgh
and this nose which..... runs.
and I'm still doing my Chem paper. gg.
Will try finish before 12. then retreat to my sweet bed.

Authority

2011-10-18T09:36:00.000-07:00

Getting way pissed.
I don't see any wrong in trying to justify my stand.
You don't have to shout at me.
You just have to admit that you might be wrong.
even alitle.
Don't just swerve off topic and just pretend you weren't wrong at all.

I'm getting damn pissed with the slightest remark.
piss me off.

parents teachers whatever.

But okay heh. I admit I am wrong in some ways. many ways.
I know you may have a position higher than me.
that I may appear rude.
that I am rude.
but I don't see it that way.
I was just trying to justify my stand.
Sorry I'm "in your face" or "insensitive"
I am what I am/.
I know I'm individualistic to the point where I might not take into account of your cost from my actions.

but. just admit it.
How hard is that.
Very hard for you all it seems.

China Baby

2011-10-18T09:29:00.001-07:00

HMM. One video and boom.

Comments below is from my Friend "Bryan"

I'm kinda like... ouh. thats sad. but okay yea.

Pity lor...

----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

I think that the first guy in the van didn't really care initially and was intending to run the toddler over. But when he experienced the hump, he probably thought, "Shit just got serious. If I leave the car now, I'm dead. If I don't, I may not get caught." Then he left slowly with a guilty conscience while probably looking around to see if anyone saw him. Before he knocked her down, he was probably in a rush and actually did intend to knock her down. If you noticed, the van accelerated a bit right before impact.

The onlooker who came right after the van was probably thinking "You all saw it, it wasn't my fault." A toddler may probably mean nothing if his/their mentality is that a toddler's value is nothing because the amount of money spent to raise her is really little compared to if she was older. Money matters a lot to these people.
Also, he probably didn't have a cellphone. It didn't seem like anyone there had a cellphone anyway, so perhaps that knowing that the ambulance will never make it, they couldn't be bothered to go through the trouble of helping the girl since she was going to die anyway.
It's not unusual to find people with the "I-don't-want-to-get-involved" mentality anywhere around the world. But these people have probably lived under conditions where seeing people die is part of everyday life.

The second van was the one that ticked me off the most. It had the capability of bringing the girl to a hospital, and also, it was NOT AT ALL difficult to avoid driving over her even if he didn't care about saving her.

The woman who helped move the girl to the side had at least a stronger conscience I guess.

And perhaps all the onlookers just didn't know what to do. It really looked like they all didn't have cellphones to me.

Being raised under their competitive conditions may have brought about the "to each for himself" mentality. You cannot always see things from your perspective.

If you really were to see her lying on the road and find everybody avoiding her, you'd think there's something wrong with her or something wouldn't you? You'd want to help but you're not sure exactly what you're going to do and whether what you're going to do is going to be of any help at all.

Would you get your hands dirty and help someone you don't even know who's about to die and then neglect your duties at work and be fired and then die of starvation later on?

What if you become the scapegoat of the issue and no one even attempts to prove your innocence? You're going to be jailed/punished/be the topic of gossip for something you didn't even do wrong. You then wouldn't be able to support your family and they will suffer because of your compassion for this girl.

And if you really did save her, how would you benefit from it? Would you expect to have their family reward you in coin after the money spent for her hospitalization?

"It's just a girl who's going to die right? I don't know and I don't care. No one is going to fault me for ignoring her. It's not like anyone can see this." While unaware of the camera.

Personally, these thoughts would go through my head and perhaps it did too for these Chinese people. The media could've been a big influence on your compassion and thus, your decision on whether or not to help given the pros and cons.

One comment I saw on Youtube I totally agreed with:
"One incident in China, suddenly the entire fucking race is evil? Seriously, if this weren't a big deal in China, it wouldn't even make the news. The parents were also crying, fuck you haters"

And then people will bring in the other bad things that made the name "China" so bad like the incident of baby milk powder, making oil out of hair, and the covering up of the train.

China is such a big country with so many people in it.
^reflect.

Why do you think they're like that then?
It seems almost primitive.
Wouldn't you be the same if you didn't evolve?
Wouldn't you be the same if you weren't fortunate enough to be born and raised in such a secure, sheltered environment?

Don't you think they want to achieve your standards of living?
What must they do to rise up?

I didn't have much to say about this initially but now I do because it irks me to see that so many people do not think deeper and only looking at things on the surface. So quick to point fingers and curse.

I'm totally cool if you hate on the people caught on camera, but if you declare that you hate China and PRCs because of this, I'm not.
You hate how they do things, not them. Get that right.

Also...

It's true that they're selfish and heartless, but that's what humans are. If you disagree with me, you're just a victim of dramas and immersed in illusions of an idealistic world.

I'm not too sure whether this is true but someone shared this
"in china, if u go and help, ur in for a heck of questioning, n might even be asked to pay the medical bills. if u knocked into someone, the right thing to do is to roll them over a couple of times to make sure they are dead. less trouble that way.

Closer and closer.

2011-10-12T08:01:00.000-07:00

Okay. I really shouldn't go to blogger but wtheck.
I'll pull off a fast one, =)

A lvls are just. damn.
close.
anyway.
I can see my results alr....
Math A.
Physics A.
Chem A/B.
Econs A/B/C
GP B/C
CLB pass

I hope I will not let myself down.
I found out that I should have been studying more.
yes more.
I'm seriously not prepared for chem/econs
Gp aside.
Anyway, CLB too. I'm quite scared.
yes.
If I fail my CLB..... I cant even go uni.
imagine that. sick to the core man.

My GP tution getting mundane.
I'm starting to question my teacher's ability in teaching me.
urgh. She teaches diffferently from the best teacher in the tuition centre.
Even the compre skills she teach different. totally diff method...
though she's very nice and still well read...
I can't help but wonder and feel scared.. you know.
and I miss the intelligent sounding girl in my tuition class.
She sounds damn intelligent and all her ideas she offer is damn chim.
I swear I can get turned on just because of her smartness. hahahah.
its like intelligence. I so want to know her more.
Attracted! But she quit. I think she thinks she's too smart for the teacher, lol.
Now, I'm like the only one contributing actively in class and now I don't even feel like anymore!
The whole class is damn quiet just sitting down there.
Collective intelligence people! zzz.
Hope they will contribute more on class discussions.
Keith and Lucas also quit the class. urgh left me. I made friends there though.
Study with this guy before class. like 2hours before.
whatever la.
I'm rushing this post.

My apologies to T.S.J
Haaas, I couldn't help it.
Too tempted to piss you off and irritate you. =)
Though it was indeed fun. hahahahahaa.
I can hear you say siao alr -.-
Anyway, sorry! I'll try not to do that again. =)

Poet-not.

2011-10-04T05:49:00.000-07:00

But what she doesn't know,
is that she just needs a true friend to show,

a hand reaching out, for her to hold,
a smile, a laugh, a tear without
the mistake she had sold.

So she didn't cry, got up on her feet,
once she saw what she thought was a lie
was just the candle being lit.

Genius?
I know.
Hahahahahaa, okay, I just passed this when I was browsing the net yesterday yesterday = the day before yesterday.
and I felt a spark.
Then I wrote the rest trying to continue the poem. =)

The stars they colluded a conspiracy, all the tears and broken-hearts, nothing more than a pawn in their game.

2011-10-01T09:13:00.000-07:00

Title's from yong jie tumblr.
Just felt that the stanza quite emotion stirring.

Anyway, less than 40 days left.
Days of unproductive work still going on and on.
Hope that I can strive for the best, with my best.

Emotions stirring up more with me being closer to ppl.
Emotions are just magnified when you're close to someone.
You're angry, You're damn angry.
You're happy, You're damn happy.
You're sad. well. yea.
It's a trade off.

Independent. Lonely.
Friendly. Flirtatious.
Unique. Weird.
Random. Desultory.
Carefree. Indifferent.
Weightless. Ignorant.

I really have no idea what to do, where to go.
Just let the waves take me, wherever, whenever I'm needed/best at.

Love your enemy!

2011-09-16T17:20:00.000-07:00

At www.druugged-no-more.blogspot.com,
the blogger strongly advocates abstinence from drugs including those of love.
Well, untill recently when he found out love can come out in so many other different ways.
You can love your enemy too you know! =)

Here, the blogger also talks to himself about all kinds of stuff.
and also pours his heart out for no ~~f-ing~~ reason, cause he leads a life which he can't seem to fix, cause it's already the best he has but he can't appreciate it.
Appreciate your life given. We live in Singapore where we take almost everything for granted!

Ouhouhouh. We also teach you about Human Rights!
Watch the video below to educate yourself, cause you can't learn anything by yourself!
you're too smart. You need teachers to teach you.
You need schooling so that you can make enough mistakes to learn from them so that you won't make a mistake at your job = screw your job.
You need a video so that it can initiate your interest.
cause probably you're individualistic and only care about what you care about.
no arguement there. point taken.
I should really be studying with 50+ days more to go to A levels.
The last time I rmb-ed I had 60. =/
It's damn fast la. I bet whole lot of muggers studied last night and couldn't wake up in the morning to enjoy the fresh air.
Well, I SLEPT A GOOD NIGHT'S SLEEP.
SLEEP>STUDIES.
Okay. I'm gonna go study at Marine parade library and try to concentrate like there's no tomorrow.
I have a feeling HoJiaHui is there.
I wanna eat breakfast. so hungry.
and with me blabbering non-stop, you'd probably skipped to the bottom. =)

Enjoy the Vid!

A walk uphill

2011-09-16T17:07:00.000-07:00

I really have to take photos next time so as to capture all memories.
cause my memory suuuck.

Anyway, went out with best enemy go back to her school Anglican high!
for moon-cake festival. hung out with her friends.
The tooorrttuurreeeee, hahahahaha
I swear she was intending to rape me when we were near the fields on the way up to AHS.
Anyway, WHO BUILDS A SCHOOL ON THE FREAKING HILL. WITH NO BUS ACCESS!
zzz.
have to walk up!
Ok. I'm still hungry.
Didn't get a proper dinner yesterday. urgh.
damn pissed off. still.
and the indian uncle looked sad too. =(
Cause I ordered beef steak?
And it came out like...beef with veggies.
and let me tell you. I couldn't see the beef.
like all vegies like that..so i really couldn't force myself to throat it all down. =/
back to the school.
I didn't really like it being inside...
FELT SO CHINA-FIED!
added china-fied into my dictionary. heh heh.
yea. but the wushu performance was nice!
yes it was! high standard very nice to watch! =)
the majic tricks were damn boring i swear. felt like sleeping.
The girls there were okaay.
The HALAL mooncake was..mmm.
I wanted more. =(
But best-enemy and her friends were too shy to take anymore.
hahahaha, ouh ouh ouh!
One of best-enemy's close friends was Alif Fila, wait. Alif Fila?that's his name meh. hahaa.
Okay yea, Muhammad Alif Fila's classmate!
super vulgar i swearrrr.
but a fine and nice girl. not.
hahaha, everytime ask me ~~fuck off.~~
I think Alif kana point the middle finger by her gazillion times alr.

Made new friends.
back to studies.

Aspiring. The little things that can do so much. What would you do. to brighten up the lives of others?

2011-09-14T07:46:00.000-07:00

Nude

2011-09-14T06:23:00.001-07:00

Imploded lightbulb

2011-09-08T08:16:00.000-07:00

Maybe sides of the bulb are wronged
where the ice cuts up-throat
5 of which is touched
left the remaining one note

Lights diminish as they glow
but no one knows
stands there guiding the lost
still silent. rooted on its lonely road

Thanks given but nothing left
long shattered, yet nothing picked
hopes of no expectations
down this unpaved route

The lost misguided perhaps,
not any wiser than the filament
Burning out, yet so bright
its story untold

With so much resistance, it retorts out
what have you done for me
except to keep me bright, guiding you
dying partially-whole

But no one replies, no one ever does
even as it dies, its question left unanswered
why do people care about my presence
when they don't care about me
why does no one help
especially when I'm in...

I don't know man.

2011-09-06T08:29:00.000-07:00

So limited in what we can do, yet we can.

2011-09-06T08:27:00.000-07:00

Swallow that pill.

2011-09-06T08:25:00.000-07:00

You never did learn, didn't you
With your heart set high and above.
With all of what happened
you're still hopeful of a hopeless situation you love.

It's a pity the circumstance forces you to follow
what you think is right and it stays that way
uncertain and shallow, the tears and the sorrow,
won't you stop awhile for the kids.

It's the truth that you aren't willing to accept
with it strugling in your head.
Gasping for air, swallowing your words,
all of what was, left unsaid.

Ousted from your dreams,
compromised in reality
Injustice to the victims,
for they swear that it'll hurt.

Engendering these actions
that paves under the crows.
Under your heart, under your soul.

Go ahead. Indulge in deviance form the truth my dear.
Just so you turn back, I'll be here.

How to love.

2011-09-05T10:31:00.000-07:00

I just put the top one for the girl.
Damn, I got tricked, was waiting for the girl to at least sing!

<p>&amp;amp;lt;br&amp;amp;gt;S</p>

Such an awesome vid.
Didn't think it was possible for Lil wayne to produce such a song and such a vid too.
That proves my point. Everyone has a good nature, it's just there.
Believe in the inherent good of mankind, yea! =D

Wait

2011-08-28T17:57:00.000-07:00

I feel very very very...... dissatisfied with my life.
but hey. just stick to my life compass. It'll turn out alright.

Show the ropes and I will show you mine. Reach out for me and you shall fall.

2011-08-28T16:23:00.000-07:00

I'm back.
Just for a quick update about everything man.

Today's the last day of Ramadan. & yes. I'm quite disappointed in myself.
I've not felt the peace or solace that I supposedly feel every year.
I mean they'll be days during the fasting month that my mind will be free from distractions.
I can even hackcare a super hot girl if she passed by me. like tsskk. whatever.
hahah.
other then that is the peaceful state of my mind lar during these days.
But this year was different.
The fasting month seemed so fast.
The fasting month seemed so short.
yes, I'm not ready to let it go.

"We all learn from our mistakes, sometimes later then sooner. But when we finally realize the damage we’ve done to ourselves and the people we love, that’s when we grow to become better people.

But with little steps I can one day become a good Muslim
a life-long goal worth striving for.
- Pray the 5 compulsory prayers on time.
- Be healthy in mind and soul
- Be compassionate & strive for excellence in the name of Allah

Will make it. a reality.
Believe in the innate colossal potential that humans have.
and not the flaws and cracks of the human nature.

Anyway, update coming.
My social boundaries are being stretched so much this year.
I don't even know where to stop. the line where it is just too much.
I've made use of people. where it isn't really morally right.
but I'm just making it seem easy and relaxed.
behind closed doors.
You know the thought.
What may come, comes. What goes, goes.
You just have to see what you want & achieve it.
no matter what the cost.
achieve your happiness which you seek.
I'll try to pull back this boundaries.
my actions are getting too liberal behind closed doors.
where its all hushed & not spoken.
behind the mask of a mugger.
haha. you got that right.

Friends becoming strangers.
wow. Not much of a surprise there.
esp when i was never close to begin with.
people whom I knew. who I know.
just walking past me like I'm a block of wood.
just karma.
When you live your life in a search for friends, you hardly find one.
But when you live your life as a friend, you'll find them almost everywhere.
I haven't been much of a friend really.
I'm individualistic, spoilt and too a great extent indifferent about almost everything that doesn't concern me.
If you didn't know alr.
Or maybe it's like a self-fulfilling prophecy huh?
I type what I think about myself, and it becomes exactly what I expect myself to do, and what I actually do.

Deciding whether or not to trust a person is like deciding whether or not to climb a tree because you might get a wonderful view from the highest branch or you might simply get covered in sap and for this reason many people choose to spend their time alone and indoors where it is harder to get a splinter.

On a side note
I get really turned on by intelligent sounding remarks.
haahhahaha. I know what you maybe thinking.
not that kind of way.
As in when I hear a girl who can speak confidently or sounds damn intelligent, with a voice of her own.
with articulation that can move people.
I get really wowed.
It's like my eyes brighten up and I'm like oh yea. that was nice.
I'm not talking about bimbo sounding snide remarks if that's what you're thinking
I find really.......
erm. yea.

The inability to express.
Also I feel quite irritated of my inability to express myself with my language.
For english, in tuition classes, and in school, or even in the papers man.
You just feel so squashed and little when you have all those ideas in your head.
and you just can't seem to get it out in words.
I want to be a more expressive individual.

and of course an individual who can really listen.
I suck at listening.
even my family told me that.
Urgh. irritating sometimes.
but yea, checks and balances the way I see things.
the most honest remarks you can get are from your parents who have brought you up as a kid.
I mean if they still know you well enough that is.

I've learnt many things.
Even more so about not judging.
There and there and there.
You know, I may have said this here before?
but. I REALLY NEVER EVER heard anyone say "Don't judge me" before?
It's only in JC that here this type of crap?
When was the world so judgmental really.
I really don't remember.
Anyway, I'm learning more that what you see, what you expect may not be what you really get.
of people.
even more so. ofcourse.
Each individual have their own life story.
Similar to all, different to some, the same to none.

Have you ever felt that you've lost your dignity.
In studies especially with Sinagpore being so driven by competition and efficiency.
Have you felt like you had no choice, but to study?
Its like when a person ask you what if you failed your A levels?
.......
it's like " die lor"
Students in Singapore feel this way.
and I understand that some put so much effort and time to sacrifice for it.
Not living their life.
We've chosen to take part in this rat race.
Those who choose to follow, will feel stressed.
Those who don't will just feel alienated.
Those who put too much emphasis on studies and feel like that their worth is tied down to it.
I believe many people have withdrawn out from this race, just living their lives freely.
I really envy them.
I mean ofcourse, if you really weren't meant for studies why dedicate your life or put any significance to it no?
might as well do what you love to do & do it well.
Studies aren't the only thing that measures your worth.
Your social life, the small achievements that you secretly place in your life.
The closeness of your family, the warmth of your friends.
People who you can trust and count on.
anything, everything about one is worth a story to tell.
look at ITE.
It's infrastructure is even better than those of JCs!
The government is bringing world class talent to come and teach culinary skills and other stuff.
One day it might not become the only choice but a choice in itself.
Or maybe it already is.
Hopefully. Our children will all have the freedom to do what they are passionate about.
to do it well in life. instead of this rat race that we Singapore students are currently facing.
Ofcourse. It's no better in the working world.

Life can bring you anywhere even the most unexpected of places, like what happened to me last saturday.
I actually enjoyed it and am ready for more.
but then again. I don't really want to feel that guilty again do I.

To end it off.

=D

2011-08-15T18:51:00.000-07:00

On a brighter note,
Don't count the days, make the days count!

by some retarded friend of mine. =)

and some photos from yong jie's blog while I'm fasting and going through them.
yum yum.

-

2011-08-15T18:48:00.001-07:00

Turn a blind eye
Turn a deaf ear
Even my heart cast cold and low
Whatever was, whatever is
I don't want to let it show

Hakuna Matata

2011-08-04T05:56:00.001-07:00

When you find out you were in the wrong all along

2011-08-04T05:55:00.000-07:00

How do you feel when you thought you were in the right all along...
and that someone just came up to you and whacked reality in your face.
Do you mind a lot about what people think about you?

I actually wrote a whole lot.
and saved it.
But now as I look through it, I guess it doesn't have to be like that.
so I just deleted a few pages of hours of posts. haha.

Stay weightless, even if the world feels like its crashing down.
Cause in reality you are so much better off then so many others.
Don't be ignorant, don't make it get to you.
Appreciate and just live it.

But if somehow, you just find life too hard on you,
just retreat. Allah the only god will be there for you.
remember who you are, even when people see you differently.

But that's exactly the problem with me you see.
I believed in myself, a little too much I guess, and was ignorant of what was actually happening.
Yes, Ignorance is bliss... but it may hurt others as well.
Yes, Ignorance is bliss... but you might as well become stranded all alone.

Anyway, currently I feel lost in sch.
Luckly there are pockets of friends who I can just chat with to relieve myself with.
no clique or anything. just see who there then just hang lor.
It's sad really.
But hey, I'm living with it. Just came here to rant.

2011-07-30T04:53:00.000-07:00

“ It is better to be hated for who you are, than to be loved for someone you are not.

Just a quote on Yong jie's tumblr..

I'm kinda time deficient these days as I'm very bad in my time management, =/

It's like a sacrifice for more time..

I've got quite a lot to blog but just have to stop here...

It's a nice feeling, to be loved for who you are. =)

Like it like that.

2011-07-17T08:57:00.000-07:00

OK, back from a long break of not blogging! =)

Firstly?

Yeap. Sushi. aaaaaahhhhhhhh.
Love ah Love. =)
My dad always buys it as a treat for me and my brothers!

and....I just got a msg like yesterday?
I......got top 20 in my JC...
like 17th
I was incredibly shocked.
yes. shocked.
Maybe my prayers everyday for me to be closer to Allah, the one and only God, the most merciful and kind.
and to score for my A's were answered....
Anyway, I haven't told my parents about this yet...
I'm scared they'll have an even higher expectation of me...
I'm really sick of studying...
and I know this isn't gonna be pretty if I go into a Uni..
...
It's gonna be a lot worse fighting to the top of Singapore's top 5%
...to be an elite of Singapore..
I mean.. ofcourse I don't see being in a Jc as elite.
I mean sure, we';re 20% top of our cohort? but.
What about those who got their scholarships.
THOSE ARE THE ELITE.

Anyway, I would rather not know that I'm top in my JC....
Gives me the stress that I can't keep it up and fall....
or even become too contented and complacent.
You see, instead of studying now. I'm here blogging. Great example!

and I think my results were a fluke.
Un-confident much.

Went to La Musique Du Coeur on Saturday Night!
with Jo Inng, her small bro,Yon Gin and Ericia!
It was worth it.
WORTH IT AH.
There were piano plays, cello, some duets, acapella, and singing!
got some really amateur plays by some of the students...
but it was nice to see them make mistakes and striving on!
One girl doing a solo piano piece almost broke down during the performance but stayed strong till the end...
She really was too nervous I guess.. made alot of mistakes and forgot her piece on the stage. Can't feel any worse than that on a performance with your friends supporting you!
and it was really an experience to analyse their playing!
The tone, the emotion put into the piece, the skill level, the choice of song.

and there was this piece.
I have to confess something...
I tear when I hear a piece of music that seems beautiful to me.
That piece was amazingly messy...
with you not even knowing what you're hearing...
It was a duet. by two teachers..
their fingers were moving so fast...
It was as if if you heard one piano by itself, it would seem like crap.
Some nonsensical composition.
but when you hear it as a whole. both pianos at once....
the messy quick keys..notes...
just...were all offbeat...at the perfect time.
it was...beautiful.
seriously.
magnificently played. with all the messy notes of both pianos combined as one perfect composition.
Beautiful.

yyeeeoouuccchh.

2011-07-15T17:01:00.001-07:00

Here's one for the sharks!

2011-07-01T06:11:00.000-07:00

Ok. *takes a deep breath*
I LIKE SHARK FIN'S SOUP. It's like one of my favourite?
Well, I will try not to...OMG...NNOOOO....
NNOOOOO....
I will try not to buy it.
....
....
...
...
OK. MAYBE ONCE IN A YEAR DURING MY BIRTHDAY.

I was reading this article in a magazine...
There is no "special taste" to sharkfin soup.
It's flavour just comes from chicken stock that it's cooked in and the sharkfin itself is actually tasteless!
Sharks also have a high mercury level which are not good for health. duh.
and no shark fin soup do not help cancer, lol. duh.

so yea. I shall take a step in saving the sharks. =(
=)
...
BUT HOW COME SO NICE ONE. =O

Sometimes it's just worth it

2011-07-01T06:02:00.000-07:00

My Exams are almost over!! =)
I'll be doing one more paper next week on Wednesday then mid-years will be over!
I will allow myself sometime to cool off but won't forget, the A's are what I'm aiming for!
Those JC students, do TRY to continue your revision!

I'm pretty satisfied with what I've done during the holidays!
The intense mugging that I've made a habit out of.
seem to be worth it after all.
I'm hopping that I score these grades for this exams!
Although I'm ready to get a rude shock and fail in everything,
well, anything can happen!

GP : PASS
CHEM: B
MATH: A
Physics: A
Econs: B
CLB: HAHA.

Well, these are slightly optimistic results...
Anyway, I hope to turn that "B" for Chem into an "A" during A's!
and hopefully an "A" too for my Econs!
Let's take out grades hhiiigghhhiiighhiiiiigghheerrr!

Anyway, I feel I've sacrificed quite alot for my studies...
at the extend to my importance I place on relationships. meh. =(
You know? no you don't.
That I feel like I'm a loner in the sch?
Sure I guess I like know quite alot of people...
But I don't really feel together with any of them....

----------------------------------------------------------------------------------
My last year class, disbanded...and we weren't that close throughout the year!
I'm close to selective few, but don't hang out much.
and anyway, I'm in a new class now, so yea. In sch they're not with me...
they either have a new clique or something, timetable diff.
anyway, I don't accompany them much.

My cca, was quite okay till I didn't go for the CCA camp like during the holidays for the J1s...
I know, my president asked me whether I regreted not going, then I just dismissed him and said no, I have to study...
Yes, I studied instead of going for a 3-4 day camp?
out of the whole holidays, now it seems quite selfish of me...
and I gave an excuse that I didn't like the J1s.
Well, in fact I really had issues with one JC1 girl who gave me some attitude.
bitch. not even pretty still want act big -.- then when see me again act so happy.
_!_
the study was productive though.
Now, they're going out on movies and dinner...
and I ain't invited.
kinda suck.
but hey, who ask me not to go for the CCA camp -.-
so yea.

Music ppl?
They have their own clique of friends. I'm just some guy to hang out with.

Other random friends which I have NO idea how I met them.
Well, it's nice to be in accompanied by anyone, who doesn't bother you.
------------------------------------------------------------------------

Well, the thing is. I feel lonely in sch.
especially this few days.
I just go to the front gate bus stop to avoid anybody I know and take the bus alone..
I have too many Hi-Bye friends and it's getting on my nerves.
to the extend that I try to keep myself as blur as possible just scrolling my eyes over anyone that I know.
I know. pretty anti-social.
I think I'm just caving myself up.

Although, I am. learning to be more emotional independent, as in.
I count on myself, and try not make other views or actions affect me,
have my own thoughts. Do not have to have friends around me to feel secure.
yea. Individualistic much.

I don't mind just having friends to accompany me to achieve my goal.
Study friends, who can accompany me in achieving what I do! Striving for A's!
Music Friends who I can share my passion with, keep it burning!
Man, I sound so individualistic all of the sudden. I guess I was always.

But sometimes, you just have to. have to have friends that will do all the stupid stuff with you together. =)
to hang out with. chill.
drown in your sorrows together and are actually sincere.
This are the friends who I treasure the most.
sometimes. I don't know whether they know how much importance I place in them.
I hope they see the sincerity that I really do treasure them.

Save your heart - Mayday parade

2011-06-29T06:49:00.000-07:00

Just took this from Songmeanings.net

Rated +3

So I'm sorry this is crazily long. But this song means so much to me, and when I write about the meaning, I'm writing about myself as well.

To me, this song is about a girl who just falls for this guy really hard, and when it doesn't work it, she takes it out on herself, essentially hitting rock bottom alone "She fell to the bottom of her life, this wasn't meant for two." This girl had tried everything, even changing who she was to get this guy, but it didn't work and now "she struggles to find herself in time", maybe before she loses it (maybe from self-harm, or depression), maybe even killing herself. "But she can barely move", meaning the guy was harder to get over than she thought.

"Just try to get up, you've gotta slowly brush off. I know that words aren't enough, but you're better than this." This means the girl has to keep on trying (get up), and brush off the pain, even though she feels like she is worthless, and like there's no life after all that has happened.

"Save your heart, for someone that's worth dying for. Don't give it away". I find this part sort of a play on words of what this girl is feeling, because she feels like if she can't have him, she'll die. But he isn't worth death, because she doesn't deserve her heart because he hasn't done anything kind for her, but she gives her heart to him regardless.

The feeling of how much she is broken by all that has happened, and never gets what she's been crying for every night, and how the situation doesn't change, yet she doesn't give herself enough worth to walk away is shown in "Torn apart, never getting what you've been crying for, it's always the same."

"She turns the pages every day, just to change the mood." I believe that this part means she tries to change the mood of how he feels about her and forget the past and moving on (turning the pages), by going from always being there, to just not fitting effortlessly into the few empty spaces of his life where she'll get his attention, which keeps her hanging on.

However, her efforts often mean nothing at all, because the past just keeps repeating itself, sending her deeper into her depression, making each day harder to get through. "But every chapter reads the same, it's so hard to make it through."

"And you give, and they take." The girl gives out so much love, and the guy and other people take it, but they don't return it, making her feel so empty on the inside, like there's nothing left.

I had trouble with this part. "And it's love that you want, but not love that you make." To me, I find this means the girl wants true love, not a love that she has to fabricate herself and compensate for the love she isn't receiving.

"I know that you're scared, seems like someone said you had it in you." This girl fears failure, which could be why she refuses to let go, because someone (the guy) said she had love in her, and could do anything.

And yet this girl knows what she is doing to herself is wrong, and that the guy doesn't deserve her after everything she's given him that he's thrown away, but still believes in him regardless, because she irrationally thinks that he is worth it. "All along, you said you knew this was wrong, but still worth dying for."

And that's it. If you have any comments, I would be glad to hear them, because this is an amazing song.

10S14

2011-06-20T17:28:00.001-07:00

10S14.

It was retarded, filled with laughter.
Pity I couldn't stay through the night, =/

=)